Author: Former Mrs South Africa and Survivor SA Runner Up; Nicole Capper
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When Coronavirus, now affectionately known as COVID-19, was first news we all sort of looked at it with some trepidation, some interest, a small amount of fear and a healthy dose of "ah it will all be over soon". Until it wasn't and until it started to take over the world. Before we knew it we were thrown into a life and death situation of lockdown.
For our family, it has certainly been a terrifying experience because our daughter, Tatum, who is 4 years old has a life limiting rare disease called Cystic Fibrosis which affects the lungs and makes her a high risk candidate for COVID-19 damage. We need to do everything we can to cocoon her and keep her safe. Being a Pharmacist and my Fiancé a vet, we have strong medical backgrounds and therefore a very healthy regard for human life and a great respect for medical processes. We started off this entire journey very rule bound and very respectful of the status quo and the government's decisions.
Slowly but surely we realised the gravity of the situation. I myself own a premium brand digital magazine and events company, which has literally closed for the immediate time being, and also delivering keynotes and MC’ing at events my business as a whole was effectively hold indefinitely. We suddenly realised the great impact on us economically and here we sit in this tumultuous position of true survival - health versus wealth - and which is more important. We have our days where we sit there and think, is the government making the right decisions and are we making extremely overcautious decisions in our legislation? Are going to have ramifications that cripple our economy and tear away people’s livelihoods and businesses? Which is ultimately more important? Health or wealth? I don’t even want to call it “wealth”, I think I say it like that because it sounds catchy but it’s not wealth. It’s literally survival because left long enough, wealth becomes health. If you do not have enough money, you cannot buy food or keep your family fed and alive. So I know I am being very dramatic but you have to take things to the extreme to make healthy decisions for our household. We are weighing up the fragility of my daughters health versus the financial impact of losing business and work in the current lockdown climate.
Why am I telling you all of this? I guess I just want you to know that first of all I can relate to anybody who has lost a job, a business or a career during lockdown. Secondly I can also related to people who prioritise health over anything else because they have an at risk individual in their household. Perhaps being able to relate on both of those fronts, I can offer some objective insights. Firstly you have to make a very conscious decision about what is in your control and what is not. This is perhaps the healthiest step. Yes we can have a voice about everything, thank goodness we have social media that we all are able to exercise our freedom of speech and share how we feel about the current climate. It almost sounds as if I’m throwing my hands in the air, but I'm not. At the end of the day it is what it is, and there is a finite amount directly under your control. I urge you to focus on those things specifically. Try to shift your perspective away from what you cannot directly and immediately control to what you do know, what you are certain about and what you do have control over. At this point in time, you probably have far less control than you've ever had before .I know for myself I certainly have less financial control, less control in my industry, less control over my future, but that is an unproductive thought pattern. I have to sit back and ask myself, what do I have control over? Well, one thing I've got control over is my schedule, I still have the freedom to choose what I am going to do every single morning when I wake up. I choose how to balance my day between family, work and self. The second thing I have control over is my expectations. Yes I lower my expectations daily to have realistic goals that I can achieve each and every day, not to exhaust myself or feel defeated at the end of the day and have a day upon day accumulation of failed goals that leave me feeling depressed. Instead I have learned during this time to set small achievable goals and then celebrate them, even if it’s saying that at 3pm I am baking cookies with the kids, even if I've only sent 4 emails (and when you're home-schooling your kids, sending 4 emails is a task all on its own to be celebrated with a giant batch of cookie dough). The other thing under my control is my emotions. At first I didn't feel it was, I thought that I was a victim and that I was caught up in a hurricane and my emotions felt like they were a pure result of Hurricane Lockdown.
The good part about that is I learned to embrace my feelings and acknowledge how I felt, without labelling it as bad or weak and then process them. Mourn the loss of my business and income and accept the situation that I was in. But then to move into a place where my emotions no longer controlled me. That has been the most triumphant phase. To get to a point where yes, I may feel down, I may feel sad, or I may feel discouraged today, but I have control about how I feel ultimately. There are small things that I can do and change in a day that make me feel better whether it’s putting on my makeup and doing a live Instagram or if it’s going and spending time building Lego with my kids, whether it’s just taking an hour long bath because I felt like it and it made me feel good, those are deliberate decisions to improve my emotional wellbeing. Mental health during this time is an absolute priority, not just for myself, mental health has become a priority for my children. I have deliberately decided not to push them in home-school to achieve everything that’s set out for them in the day. We get to whatever we get to, and the rest doesn’t matter as long as their mental health is thriving. I can tell you that my kids are happier, healthier and well-adjusted despite lockdown and the associated dramas.
I don’t have all the answers. In fact I'm very unhappy about a lot of things that are going on, not just locally with government, policy makers and industries, but also globally with international decisions being made. We're in a very fragile time and space where anything can happen, and in 12 months’ time the world as we know it may be a very different place. Perhaps it’s time, above everything, to give our priorities a shake down. Perhaps it doesn't matter too much if the business we wanted doesn't exist in 12 months’ time. Perhaps the house we wanted to live in will never be there, and perhaps that's also ok. The real concerns we need to be focusing on right now or are: being alive, secure and together. I choose to believe that family, connection, health and mental health trumps everything right now (perhaps “trumps” is the wrong word).
Yes this comes from my white privileged suburban perspective but I'd like to think that my perspective is heavily influenced by the reality facing the majority of South Africans right now. I know that there are people that have trust funds that will be safe and secure for years. I also know that there are people and casual labourers who earn not just month to month but week to week who have not been able to put proper food on the table who feel like their only resort is to be perform illegal activities to earn money. There are a lot of uncertainties, there is a very real risk to our safety as nation and individuals and I think people need to start thinking beyond their white picket fences. If you have a little bit of money left in your bank account say yes to your car wash when you go to the shops, pay your car guard a little bit extra, leave a little bit of extra money at that fast food chain. Think about people who have no work and try help them wherever you can. If you are one of those people without work, well, you need to start thinking creatively. You need to start thinking of solutions to be able to stay afloat. I know I have. I've had to get creative and often days I felt like hiding. It's a healthy combination of collaboration and innovation that will help us pull through this dark chaotic time.
These have been my tumultuous monologues in my head for the past 5 weeks that are now in black and white for you to read. I hope that out of this mess of thoughts and emotion you are able to find something that encourages you, motivates you and hopefully something that connects you with other people because we are all in this boat together, in different ways but experiencing very similar feelings. My last words of encouragement is to just draw together. Draw closer to yourself, get to know yourself a lot more, be more grateful and present in every moment and draw closer to those people around you. Let’s lean on each other for support, and never be too proud or afraid to ask for help, because we’re in this together. And if we’re in this together, the only way out... is together.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Nicole is the founder of Inside Out, an organization that connects youths to their sports and business icons. She is the CEO of the Luxuria Lifestyle SA. Luxuria Lifestyle is a prominent digital magazine group that promotes an affluent lifestyle. Not only does this Queen and mother inspire women all over the world through her fiercely positive attitude and incredible ambition in business, but she also shows her unbelievable strength, both physical and psychological, as she climbs mountains as a passion and hobby. She has reached Africa's highest mountain peak, Kilimanjaro. Her driving goal behind this is to raise both funds and awareness for Rare Diseases. As if that isn't enough to impress even the toughest crowd, this lady has one heck of a sense of humour! You want to be following this Lioness!
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