Author: Jennifer Konig
I am quite a private person so I was not sure if I should write but maybe it's all the feelings I have had to go through during lockdown that has compelled me to share a bit of my story during this time.
My personality type is one who always focuses more on how other people are and their problems as opposed to drawing attention to myself. What comes with this is during times of tragedy my coping mechanism is to carry on with the rat race of life and downplay a lot of it to people.
Two days before lockdown my sister passed away after her battle with breast cancer; she was 37. By having this lockdown it has kept me still. Allowed me no escape. Forced me to pause and accept that my sister is gone and that she won't be meeting my miracle baby due in July.
It's also given me time to reflect on our pregnancy journey which has had its own issues over the last two years.
We found out we were pregnant with a little girl in September 2018, a week after my father passed away from his battle with cancer. I sadly I had to give birth and say goodbye to her as she never made it in this world.
Fast-forward to now, after a rollercoaster ride of IVF attempts; a miscarriage; AI attempt which was successful followed with a multitude of tests, and here I sit close on 30 weeks pregnant in lockdown, and really not quite sure of how things will be when I give birth.
Taking the positives from all the heartache:
Lockdown has made me reflect on the losses I have experienced. It is quite possible I never would have an opportunity to truly deal with everything in our ‘old world’. I think I blocked out so much on what happened in the last two years and was almost just on a 'robot' mode. Numb.
There have been many many tears over the last month but there has also been reflection on the beautiful memories I will always treasure of my father; my sister; and what I imagine our little girl would have been had she made it in this world.
I've had a true sense of just living for today and realizing the blessings I do have with my husband; child our home and our new addition who we have longed for.
I do not think us as women realise the strength we truly have to cope with what life throws at us.
Whilst I do not know what the future will hold, and I still have days whereby I am terrified to bring a newborn into this unknown world; I know that it will somehow all be okay and we will all get through this uncertain time.
Love to you all
xxx
About our author:
My name is Jennifer Konig; I am 34 years old; married with a beautiful boy Nathan and soon to be a new addition to our family.
Sounds like you had a hectic past two years. Sending lots of love to you!