Post Partum Depression, and what has helped me

By Nicole McEnderry

My struggle with post-partum depression hasn’t been easy. Its been a long, long road. I am still recovering, fighting – trying to over come it, dealing with it and going through it, but I can finally say that I feel like the worst is over. Everyday I feel stronger and stronger, everyday I feel like I am slowly becoming me again. I feel like I can finally get a grip on my emotions and that dark cloud hanging over me is starting to lift.

I wrote a blog post before on my Postpartum depression, and it was the most raw, real piece of writing I have ever written. I tear up thinking about it. I will link it at the end of this article. However, I want to write about what has helped me so far and hopefully it can also help another mommy out there! 

So, here we go...

SLEEP is NOT for the WEAK! I cannot emphasise HOW MUCH getting more sleep has helped me.

I didn’t write how ENOUGH sleep has helped me. I said GETTING more has helped me, but lets face it - no NEW mom gets enough sleep? So, getting more is what saved me.

How did I achieve this?

Well its simple, with help! Help from my husband, my parents, my sister. In the beginning I did not want anyone to help me. I feared asking for help as a sign of weakness. It took me more than 8 months to realise I need help, because I was scared of anyone else taking care of my son besides me. I was scared to sleep in case something happened to him - but mostly, I was scared that if I sleep and not take care of my son I would be a bad mother.

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel these things all the time. But, I try to tell myself daily that I too am human and I also need a break. I also need down time, and most of all I also need to sleep.

My son had EXTREMELY bad silent reflux for the first 6 months of his life which meant he was always in pain and always awake, and always uncomfortable. Yes, the medication helped to some extent - but he WAS A VERY bad sleeper because of this. Coupled with the fact that he had VERY bad eczema, it kept him awake and sometimes still does.

But, after I’ve had a good few hours of sleep (and when he has his good nights) I feel like I can do anything!

THERAPY, we ALL need a little HELP. As I mentioned, it took a long time for me to realise that I needed help, and seeing a psychologist was a HUGE step for me. Eventually when my son was 8 months old I started seeing a psychologist. Its an on-going recovery, and I still see him. I am also still am on the mend and that’s okay. As long as I’m heading somewhere and as long as I am getting the help I need.

The biggest thing I’ve learned from my sessions is that I am allowed to not be perfect. I AM after all human. I will make mistakes along the way, and I cannot always be super-mom. I take time for me and try not to feel guilty about it.

MEDICATION or MEDITATION? I chose not to be on anti-depression tablets. I don’t have anything against them nor do I have anything against any person who takes them! I won’t lie, I have called my doctor crying telling him I need anti-depression tablets - that I can’t go on like this, that I need help. He sent me to my GP who did write out my script. But, I just couldn’t bring myself to go get them.

I don’t know why, I am still fighting an internal battle with myself as to why I don’t want to go get them? I told my GP that there is no way I am taking any medication while breastfeeding. He told me the ones he has prescribed are safe, but is it really? This is what is constantly in my head! For now I am content in not taking any medication, this may change or it may not, but meditation seems to be my route for now instead of medication.

TAKING a Load OFF. This I do in many forms - be it writing, reading, walks, photography, baking , cooking or arts and crafts. I find that doing something creative always makes me feel better about myself. Treating myself to a spa day, or a girls day, or retail therapy ALWAYS puts me in a better mood and as a Mom I think we all need it every now and again. I still feel guilty if I do anything that’s just for me, but I doubt my feelings about that will ever change. Taking time out or taking my mind off things for a while does me wonders.

“EXPRESSING THOSE EMOTIONS” Initially I found myself pushing away everyone I loved. My husband of course took the brunt of it, and how he is still around only God knows, haha. He must REALLY love me! I can’t tell you all the things I’ve said and did that I have regretted this past year, but I can tell you that it wasn’t me, This depression has turned me into an alien or a foreigner, and I didn’t even recognise myself.

Honestly, I felt like I was in a deep, deep hole that I couldn’t climb out of. In a "RUT" is what they call it. Slowly but surely I am climbing to the top of that hole. Expressing my emotions in a ‘normal’ manner is something I am still learning. My hormones have also only recently started to go back to normal now and its definitely helped my cause! BREAST is BEST for ME. I absolutely love breastfeeding, and I will not give it up for nothing or no one, but I will say that breastfeeding has kept me sane, strengthened my bond with my son, made me happy (yes, oxytocin is released while breastfeeding) and overall made me a PROUD mom! I have made it 13 months breastfeeding now! Through everything and through it ALL, Breastfeeding my son is the thing I have done ‘RIGHT’ and is my VICTORY or that shimmer of light throughout my depression. I will hold onto it for as long as I can!

BALANCING THE HORMONES. I feel this has a HUGE role to play in post-partum depression. I am no doctor so I won’t dive too much into this subject. However, if you are going through any sort of depression I strongly suggest the following;

• Go and see an ENDOCRINOLOGIST.

• BALANCE Hormones through the correct diet and eating hormone balancing foods.

• Exercise.

APPRECIATING THE LITTLE THINGS! I take my time to appreciate the little things; the bed-time cuddles, the cries, the twinkle in his eyes, the frowns, the giggles, the little wet kisses. I know he won’t be this little for long and that this stage in his life and mine will be gone in a flash. I try to focus on the good and on the blessings I have in my life. It motivates me to be a better mother and woman. I take each day as it comes - and while I am not happy all the time, neither am I sad all the time. Everyday brings something new, however I feel stronger when I stop and just take in all the small things. Life has a funny way of showing you who is boss sometimes! And sometimes I want to kick it in the face! I hope something on this list can inspire another Mommy out there going through post-partum depression. Know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and know that there is hope and help.

You can click here to read Nicole's first post on PPD, and when she fully opened up about it.

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Nicole McEnderry

🔸Hi, I’m Nicole i.e Mom:X2👶🏼& Wife💍 🔸Cape Town 🇿🇦📍 🔸#Postpartum #PPD #Infertility #MomTog 🔸raisingksquared@gmail.com

Nicole is a South African Mom Blogger, also known as "Raising K Squared." Here is also a link to when she first started taking medication for her PPD. Her handle on Instagram is @raising.k.squared.