By Lisa Harrison
As a little girl dreaming about my wedding day, I never pictured having monthly school fees, kids birthday parties, doctor bills and after-care expenses that would need to be paid before I could put any money aside for our wedding day.
Although this stage of our life has been a bit challenging due to those commitments that come first as parents; we’ve also learnt a valuable lesson – PLAN YOUR WEDDING DAY WITHIN YOUR MEANS.
So. here are a few pointers that can hopefully help you if you are also planning your day as a parent:
Set A Budget:
Budgets are the most important part of planning any wedding – but when you have a family, you’ll know that this is something that cannot be skipped over. Stick to your budget – and keep in mind what overspending will result in. How will it set you back as a family?
Write A List:
We sat down and wrote a list of our priorities for the wedding from highest priority to lowest priority. For us, making sure that our guests are well fed, and that there is good music and a great photographer to capture the candid moments was most important to us. Next was using a makeup artist that I know will make me feel beautiful and confident on our wedding day. It is so easy to overspend and to end up with things that get forgotten and lost in translation. It’s true that sometimes less is more.
Put Family Responsibilities First:
In our case, our son came before our wedding day, and he’ll be around after too. This means that we always need to have savings aside for emergencies. We didn’t even need to have a conversation about what we would be skimping on for the next few months – because we both knew in our hearts that the commitments we’ve already made for our family are important, and we aren’t willing to take away from those things in order to create an out of budget wedding.
Go Small:
Something every parent learns after having kids is who their true friends are. Who are the ones that visited when your baby was born, and didn’t expect to be offered tea or coffee? The ones who were happy to wait when you arrived at your coffee date an hour late because they understood that explosive nappies always happen just as you’re leaving the house for the first time in weeks. They’re the ones that invite you over for dinner as a family, and not just you. They are happy to listen to you boast about your kids’ unrecognisable artwork when you’re so proud but it actually looks like crap. Those are the friends we have learnt to invite to our wedding. If you haven’t made an effort with US as a family, you ain’t getting an invite – sorry!
Learn To Compromise: Pinterest weddings are wonderful. They also make us feel that we need everything and more in order for our wedding day to work. Truth is, as a friend told me recently; if the flowers didn’t arrive – would you still marry him? Yes! In a heartbeat. If the people who are at your wedding have an issue because you didn’t spend an extra 2k on a seating chart with their name on it, why are they at your wedding in the first place?
And, who knew I’d be taking so much wedding planning advice from my four and a half year old son? I love how kids have the ability to put things into perspective! When asking him what he wanted his special responsibility to be on our wedding day, he responded by saying (very seriously, might I add) that he will run the game with hula-hoops where all of the guests must run around until the music stops, and then they need to find a hula hoop – basically, musical hula-hoops. When I told him that I don’t think people will want to run around like that, he looked confused and asked what they’ll do to have fun then?
Truth is, honestly, weddings can so often be boring – and we’d not even thought of any sort of entertainment for when we’re busy having photos taken. And instead of spending thousands on expensive entertainment, there are so many creative ways of getting your guests to bond and have fun. There have also been numerous times where I was about to buy something for the wedding and he’s asked me why I’m buying it. When I didn’t have an answer – I’d put it down and realise that it was a waste of money. Again, Pinterest making us feel that we need everything and more.
Be Sure To Involve Them:
How do you expect your kids to share your excitement when they aren’t included? If they’re old enough, give them a special role for your wedding day. Let them have input in choosing their outfit. Leave them out of grown up decisions – the last thing you need is for them to pick a different option when you’ve already decided, and they arrive on the day and head straight into a meltdown because you chose the cream tablecloths instead of the batman ones they said they wanted. If you aren’t actually planning on respecting their opinions, then rather don’t ask – and only involve them when you’re happy to go with their choice.
Make Time For You:
It’s so easy to get caught up in our day to day responsibilities as parents – but be sure to make time for you and your fiancé as a couple. Whether you get a babysitter and go for a walk on the beach and just chat about everything wedding related or look at suits together. Ring shopping on a Saturday morning followed by coffee and cake at your favourite restaurant – this is a journey between the two of you and it's important that you went on this journey together.
Honeymoons may seem impossible with all the financial responsibilities, (I mean, you’ve just planned an entire wedding!!!). We aren’t going on an immediate honeymoon – HOWEVER, when you already live together and have kids together, it’s important that you have a few days together ALONE after the wedding. It may mean sending the kids to grandparents for a couple of days or going on a little local road trip. Just make sure to enjoy being in the newly wed bubble as you’ll never get that back again.
These are just a few tips that came to mind as I continue to plan our wedding day with a 4 and a half year old. I hope that this helps you as you begin this exciting chapter in your life – know that it’s all possible although it may seem that it isn’t. Just PLAN YOUR WEDDING DAY WITHIN YOUR MEANS.
I suppose that I wouldn’t know what planning a wedding child free would feel like, as I’ve never been in that position – but I can say that it really should be a beautiful journey even when you are ‘mama’ first. It may mean that the evenings you had once imagined – wine in hand in front of the fire planning your dream wedding each night isn’t quite a reality. But, somehow it all happens, and if anything, you’ll thank them someday when you look back on all of the money that you saved because they helped you put what a wedding should be into perspective. Don’t let having kids before being married put you back – you can’t go back in time. Instead, just keep things small, prioritize where you’ll be putting your money, and make it special for your kids too. This is something you can look back on and speak about together because they were there.
Yes, I never imagined sitting down to research wedding venues and having to get up 4 times in between it all to make snacks, wipe bums, read a bedtime story and take that extra glass of water an hour after he was supposed to be asleep. I also never thought that I’d be lucky enough to have my sweet boy whispering in my ear: “I can’t wait for you to marry Daddy so that we can finally have the same surname”. Little things like having him come along to my final dress fitting and having him tell me I look like a princess and insisting to help me put on my wedding shoes.
The look he gave me, the sweet, sincere smiles and the uncountable hugs he couldn’t resist giving me. Moms, this is a truly beautiful, wild wedding planning journey – but actually, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Lisa Harrison is the beautiful mom and soon-to-be-wife behind mom-blog, One Modern Mom. Lisa recently got engaged to the father of their son and seven-year-long boyfriend, David. Their son, Oliver, is four and half and also can't wait for his parents wedding.
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