By Ash Knox
From ghosts to witches, monsters and skeletons - it might be getting spookier in the air at the end of this month. At least in South Africa, it's normally only over one weekend (or even one night) that we might see this.
Many moms have been asking the "Do you even do Halloween?" question on social media, and the response has been that many South Africans think it's terrifying, and goes against their beliefs and what they try teach their children. So, while 'Halloween' is not a big "holiday" in South Africa (even Woolworths decided to not bring in Halloween themed goodies this year), 'trick-or-treating' is something many South African families partake in around their estates, complexes or neighbourhoods.
But, it can still be truly frightening for your little ones - right?
Your young child is just figuring out who they are and how they are separate from their parents. Likewise, as they figure out the world around them and how things work, they can't distinguish real from pretend. Just about everything they see, touch or experience is real to their rapidly developing minds. Looking at trick-or-treat through your toddler's eyes makes it easier to understand why this can create some anxiety and overwhelm them while walking around in the dark amongst masks and capes, getting frightened. So, before you head out to trick-or-treat with a child under 5-years-old, keep their perspective in mind...
Here are seven ways to plan a simple, toddler-friendly trick-or-treat for a South African family:
1. Follow your toddler's lead & dress up sweet.
If they want to wear a costume, let them, but if they do not, that is okay, too. Toddlers live in the moment, so their opinion may change on a minute-to-minute basis.
Our best advice is to look for fun dress up outfits. Our top pick is Cotton On Kids, as they have an incredible dress up collection for babies and kids - and their Disney Princess dresses are so perfect! Or a character tee? The best is that it can be used again, and again.
2. Monitor your child.
Signs that your child is overwhelmed can include getting overly wound up, withdrawing or melting down. Are they clinging more than usual? Sucking their thumb when you don't expect it? Screeching for what appears to be 'no reason'? These are all signs that your child could be worried or upset by all the trick-or-treat stimulation. Stay close to them and don't go into houses that take it a little too far.
Let your child do as much or as little as they want. Maybe your child will love knocking on doors and take the lead. Maybe your child will hold back, clenching onto you.
3. Try avoid the really scary masks.
Masks can be confusing and even terrifying to your toddler. Toddlers cannot grasp that a mask is temporary. Imagine, for a moment, what a costume looks like from your toddler's point of view—they think, I know I am Me. I know Mommy is mommy. So what does it mean that I am now a dragon? Even more scary to them is that you could change. What does it mean that Mommy is a witch and that Daddy has claws and fangs? What seems to be simple fun to an adult or older child can really confuse little ones.
On the other side, many older kids like to wear masks - and it's especially the boys that think it's hilarious! So, assess the situation and see who is there. If and how they feel. your child wants to wear a mask, why not look at batman, spiderman, hulk, ninja turtles etc?
If your child becomes frightened by someone wearing a mask, address their fears with reassurance, and show them it's not real.
4. Pre-plan trick-or-treating.
Most young children, especially the itty-bitty ones, don't do well going door to door - especially if they already have seperation-anxiety. If you decide to trick-or-treat, pick a few houses to visit and go on the early side before it gets dark. In addition, stay close even when your child is having fun. Being close can help head off meltdowns if they get overwhelmed.
We like to walk around the estate with some drinks and snacks, while the kids ride their bikes. We try make it more about everyone being out - and about collecting sweets. But, we do avoid the houses that go out of their way to scare little children.
5. Make it a whole lot 'sweeter.'
Why not rather host a trick-or-treat dress up play date? We love what Cayley from Ellie Love Blog did last year, where all the kids gathered at her house and they got to play together first. While they did walk around their estate to collect some sweets, it was more about their friends being together - dressed up. Cayley dressed her three girls up in princesses, too.
Here the children can play together, eat sweets and enjoy the 'party.' The parents can also enjoy themselves.
Here are some fun sweet tables which don't have to be terrifying for your home playdate or party:
Credit: Pinterest
6. Limit candy.
For many of us, trick-or-treat is an excuse to indulge. We suggest a middle ground of making it fun with limits. One way to do this is to try playing the “Pick 3" game— choose three pieces of candy to eat now and put away the rest. Over the course of the next week (after trick-or-treating), let them pick several pieces a day. They will love deciding on which ones to pick. After that, declare, “trick-or-treat is over," and say goodbye to the remainder of the candy. Because, lets be honest here ladies; us mama's dig into our kids trick-or-treat stash late at night and then regret it the next morning?
If you plan around the celebrations, as seen above, then you can also put out some fruit, water and juices just to make it less refined-sugar filled.
In America, some dentist offices “buy back" your candy in exchange for toys or other healthier treats.How clever is this?
7. Bedtime and Safety
The over-excitement of trick-or-treat plus a late bedtime can be a recipe for disaster. If you start celebrating early, you can try to follow normal bedtime routine to minimise too much change at bedtime. But, the sugar high and excitement of getting copious amounts of sweets is a real thing! And, sugar high's, new experiences, and serious stimulation doesn't do well for bedtime.
And, like anything in this world (not just trick-or-treat), we have to be aware of safety:
So, before you go to bed that night, we think it's important to explain to your toddlers and kids that this is just a once off occasion and doesn't happen all the time. While safety issues aren't only a concern in South Africa, and kid-safety is a concern globally; the reality is that we need to be extra careful in not making our children believe that they can just walk around to strange houses whenever they wish - to get sweets. The "not going up to strangers" rule kinda gets thrown out the window over trick-or-treat, and so this can be rather confusing for our kids. Especially when we, as South African parents, have to be extra vigilant about safety concerns.
We also advise parents to double check that only closed packaged sweets are in your child's trick-or-treat bucket. In the last two years there were many global cases of people spiking children's sweets, and so many estates will only accept sweets in proper wrapping that can't really be tampered with.
Love this thanks. My girls chose to be wind up dolls this year and there is much excitement about who’s going to be “tricked” with fake sausage fingers etc.
Our community gets really involved and it’s a lovely way to meet neighbors and have some fun.