By Nicola de Jager
Why I chose formula feeding my baby from day one -
When I found out I was having baby number three, exactly 7 years (to the day) after my second born, I was certain that I was going to formula feed from day one. Being in my thirties this time around and hopefully a little wiser, I had my entire pregnancy and birth all planned out. I would make sure I was not stressed out (lets all giggle together), I would exercise daily, I would have my c-section at 39 weeks and I would be first on the theatre list (just to clarify, only one of these carefully plotted out points actually happened and it was the exercise, albeit not daily).
When the topic of feeding arose with my gynae I told her I was not planning on breastfeeding at all. I was waiting for a lecture about the health benefits but she was surprisingly, very supportive. When I had my babies at 22 and 24, I always felt the need to explain my choice and especially the formula one, but this time I was feeling a lot less anxious and rather assertive. Without sounding completely anti-breastfeeding (I am actually very pro BF), it was something that made me feel incredible pressure as everyone had an opinion on breastfeeding: How to feed, how often, how seldom, how to hold your baby while feeding, how not to hold baby, what to eat, what not to eat, the list could go on and on.
The decision came quickly for me as my thoughts took me back to my first baby’s birth in 2009 and the debilitating postnatal depression I had fallen into, the overwhelming feelings that came with not knowing how much milk she was getting and if what I had to offer was enough for her, being awake in the darkest hours of the night feeling so alone while my nipples bled, my daughter screaming and I crying.
Landing up in a clinic to treat my depression took me away from my firstborn and I lost out on her precious first weeks. I knew that my mental health would need to be a priority for future pregnancies and medication was necessary for me to function at my very best. My mind was made up and nobody could change it: Formula feeding made perfect sense for my babies, my family and my mental health.
When Max was born at 36 weeks, I felt such peace knowing I wouldn’t try and fail again. I felt good knowing that he was getting exactly the amount he needed. he was such a tiny baby (2kgs) so I was monitoring his every sip! My older children loved knowing they could feed their baby brother and my husband helped me with the first morning feed so I could rest. It really strengthened our family bond in those early days. At my 1week check-up after Max was born, we discovered I had a severe infection in my c-section wound. I needed emergency surgery and when I spent a week in hospital receiving treatment, my sister moved in and was able to take over without me stressing about pumping and whether he was taking a bottle, or not.
I remember one night a few weeks later someone posted on a Facebook group about how breastfeeding was the best and only way and if you didn’t do it then you wouldn’t have a bond with your child. At that very moment my baby was full, fresh, burped and swaddled warmly on my chest, both of us basking in one another’s company - so, nobody can tell me that my bond with my beautiful child will be based on one single act. We bond daily over breakfast, singing songs, cuddles, hugs, games, long warm baths and of course his ‘just before bedtime’ bottle.
Parenting in 2019 is tough. It is tough knowing that everyone is watching. Watching you on social media, the park, the shop, and just about everywhere. In the last few days I have come to realise that unless you have walked someone’s path in life it is best to be supportive. You never really know the circumstances that led to another mother’s choice to feed; either by bottle or breast. And, just by choosing to be a helping hand, just a smile, or a word of encouragement - goes a really, really long way.
Nicola de Jager is a South African mom of 3 happy, well rounded children and a wife to her high school sweetheart. She is a hairstylist by profession and has a passion for colouring hair, reading and binge watching TLC and Netflix! You can follow her journey on @perfectnicola.
Disclaimer: "This is not a sponsored post and is based on personal experience and personal brand preference of the content author. MomSpo reserves the right to its opinions and fully supports the notion of promotion that breast is best in line with the World Health Organisation (WHO) infant feeding guidelines. "Breast milk is the best food for infants. Good maternal nutrition is essential to prepare and maintain breastfeeding. If breastfeeding is not applied, an infant formula may be used according to the advice of health professionals. Preparation and storage of any infant formula should be performed as directed on the tin in order not to pose any health hazards."
I also fed my kids formula. I felt 2 there was too much pressure on me to breastfeed and i failed miserably at it. I had to do what was best for my baby and for me and frankly i don't care about any "mommy shamers". My kids are healthy and strong and that's all that matters.