By S'the Xaba
The journey of motherhood is an exciting and challenging one. Whilst I pregnant I was overwhelmed by so many emotions. The planning started almost immediately after I found out I was pregnant. Where was I going to have my baby? Planning the nursery, my hospital bag, getting all the things I needed once the baby arrived but I forgot one thing that I had to plan - who would look after my baby when I had to go back to work?
The fear of leaving my baby with a stranger made me prolong the process of even beginning to think about who will take care of the baby when you go back to work. You think about the many different options: do I put him in daycare, do I get a day nanny or do I get a full time live in nanny? Do I ask a family member or do I go through an agency to find someone?
My maternity leave was 5 months long and halfway through it the penny dropped that I actually need help. In the first few months, my mom and grandmother were helping me but I knew that it wasn’t a permanent situation. So, the search began.
I first went via the family recommendation route and asked family members if they could recommend anyone. I got a few recommendations that I wasn’t too happy with. My biggest priority was someone who was willing to learn and was open minded. Most of my family's recommendations were older ladies. I felt that they could be stuck in their ways and unwilling to learn. As a young and first time mom, I also didn’t want to get bullied and wanted to navigate my own way. I also tried going through an agency but one of the requirements I had was that she needed to be able to speak fluent Zulu and they struggled to find me candidates that spoke Zulu so we didn’t go on to the interview process. I knew I wanted someone who could speak Zulu to my son.
After an exhausting search, my mom finally made a recommendation that made sense. I should ask her nanny to move to Joburg with me and she would find a new nanny for my sisters as they were now older and had different needs. Before I went back to work I moved back to Durban so that I could see how she would manage with the baby. My grandmother offered assistance and guidance in training her and. I decided to extend my maternity leave by another month so that I could stay at home with the nanny and get her settled into our routine.
My first day back at work was the hardest and to be honest I didn’t even last the day. I left work early cause my heart was at home and I was feeling overwhelming anxiety. I was anxious from the moment I left the house not because I was worried that my nanny would not be able to take care of him, but for 5 months my baby and I had spent every single moment together and I felt like I was leaving a huge part of myself at home. I didn’t know what to do with myself I felt like a stranger amongst people I had known for years. My world now revolved around this little person that I couldn’t be away from. My only comfort was the fact that I could FaceTime just to check in on them.
When looking for a nanny you need to be as strict as possible and stick to what you need and want. You need to realize that this person is going to be looking after your little one and needs to be a stand-in for you when you’re not around. You will never find the perfect person but they should come close when it comes to the needs of the baby. I wanted someone who loved children and who would love my child. That was important for me as children can be a handful and need someone with patience. I was sure to be thorough with all my specific needs and requirements so that the person coming in knew exactly what I expected from them. Feel free to turn away anyone that doesn’t measure up to what you are looking for. I needed someone who was also able to take initiative and be confident enough to make decisions in my absence. I also wanted someone who had a solid understanding of handling a baby and a babies needs beyond being fed, changed and bathed but also that a baby needs to be stimulated with games, toys and personal interaction.
The challenges that I faced was being able to let go and trust someone one else with my little one. I felt as though no one knows him and understands him the way I do and no one can really take care of him the way I do. This was not helpful as it hinders your ability to fully trust the person that you have hired to look after your little one.
Some tips that I found useful in my search and finding trust:
Hiring a nanny isn’t just about employing someone; it’s choosing someone to help raise your child.
Open communication is the only way to make it work.
Both parties should have an input as to what could work for your child. Be open to suggestions.
If there are products you can use to make your nanny’s life easier – then use them! The more efficient they are, the better off your child is.
Don’t be scared to look around before deciding on who to employ. If you choose someone you know make sure you’re both in agreement on what’s expected from each of you.
Remember, just as you’re learning the right way to do things as you go along, so is your nanny. Don’t overreact if your child is as happy to see the nanny as he is to see you. This is a good thing.The more people who love your child, the better.
The process was a long one but I am happy with my nanny and the hope is to have someone who will be with us for years and be able to grow as we grow. I hope you find someone you are happy with - and remember... If you are not! Don't feel bad to let them go and find someone else. Your child comes first, and you need to live with your mind and heart at ease.
Sthe is the founder of the new blog, Authentically S'the. "I'm a fun loving Joburg mom sharing my journey. Authentically S'the is about motherhood, travel, fashion, beauty, food, health and everything else in between." I believe you must bring your whole self to the table if you want to thrive in today’s crazy world; your personality, your sense of humour, and most importantly, your heart. All of these elements brought me to start Authentically S'the. You can also find her on Instagram at @AutheticallySthe
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