By Caitlyn DeBeer
At school level, a simple request from a teacher for me to come and see her would send me into anxious annie mode. At Varsity the workload or a potential all-night-in-town got me munching on my nails, and then hitting the working world meant night-upon-night of restless sleep knowing the mountain of work that I would face in the morning.
For years I let anxiety be my guide – it ruled and I listened.
I was a self-diagnosed insomniac and thought it was normal to live with tension headaches; until such time as I applied my psychology brain to real life and developed a work-in-progress-solution to my stress levels.
Let’s get real… Stress is guaranteed in the world we live in today – if it’s not job security or money related then it’s worrying about bringing up our children in this techno-savy scary world.
Either way, stress is something we cannot escape. But what we can be in control of, is the way that we manage our own stress levels – how we see our lives and in turn respond to stress
Know yourself
This is simplest yet most effective tool I have learnt on my life journey as entrenpeneur and mum. The more I know myself, the better I am equipped to manage myself, my trigger emotions and the better mum I can be. Those that struggle with stress the most are usually those so caught up in it that they can’t find the triggers any longer, or access coping mechanisms. It starts with you knowing you.
Acknowledge
One of the common links between most people suffering from depression is a lack of acknowledgement of uncomfortable emotions early on. Many of us feel the social pressure to keep smiling, suppress feelings and just ‘get on with life’; the problem with this, is that difficult emotions suppressed for too long, often surface later in the form of addictions. You can avoid this through acknowledgement.
One thing I have learnt to do is to name my feeling; googling a list even in order to truly find WHAT I am feeling and avoiding the usual ‘sad’, ‘happy’ or ‘fine’. A mere acknowledging of the emotion you are feeling, gives your brain permission to be feeling this emotion & thus speeds up the process for this feeling to pass. (And feelings do pass, Lovely, even without practicing avoidance)
Find the noise
If I were to drop a coin on the floor in a quiet tiled-room, we’d all, likely, turn to see where the noise had come from, right?? Well, when I started practicing this very concept, internally – it revolutionised my stress levels (and in turn has done so for 100s of individuals I’ve worked with)!! We need to practice quieting ourselves (our minds) and tuning in to see where the noise is coming from.
Explore your options
Have you ever been feeling anxious and then written a to-do-list and felt the weight lift off?
The reason for this is that stress is formed in our minds, and usually only because we haven’t given ourselves any options but to dwell on the negative side of a specific issue, thus creating further anxiety. And so the simple question “What are my options” – asked to a quiet mind, will not only bring calm, but actually triggers all the learning centers in our brains, meaning that you are now open to coming up with solutions.
By giving yourself options you are bringing your subconscious anxious thought to the front of your mind – giving yourself the space to actively deal with this thought. Options can range from actual quick fixes (go for a run/ ask a babysitter to help with kids tonight), to reasoning with yourself, or even deciding to let this ‘issue’ go as this is problem for another day.
I have seen the effects of asking the simple question above, take a client from constant anxiety attacks to the point that she was hospitalised…to an empowered being.
Be your own best friend
We are often our own worst enemies (in our heads) and then we wonder why the ‘need’ to worry, or control constantly creeps in. By simply thinking about what you think about – and replacing self-limiting beliefs with positive self-affirmations you can teach your brain what it feels like to be your own friend.
Stop comparing
In many of my talks I mention that I’m a passionate runner and I can’t tell you often people come up to me afterwards and say how they too are attempting running but struggling so much to actually enjoy it. To which I quickly reply with “if you’re hating it. STOP. Find something that YOU LOVE DOING and do that instead.”
Accept help
Motherhood is incredibly demanding; but doing it alone is twenty times harder. One of the most beautiful ways to be kind to yourself and relieve stress is to ask for, and accept help. People love helping – so allowing them this privilege.
Quit complaining
How often do you hear (or do you) complain about your reality? Your job, kids, salary, marriage (or lack there of), body.. We all do it. All too often. The truth is though that YOU and only YOU are in control of what your life looks like. You can sit back and complain (stress), blame even, or you take YOUR life by the horns and dictate it’s path from here forwards. Your destiny is in your hands!
Practice gratitude
What I love most about practicing gratitude is that it seems to wipe clean the glass through which we see the world. Naming 5 things I’m grateful for (or even 10), is a quick way to turn my focus off the negative and onto all that is good in my life. And I promise, despite the chaos, your life is BEAUTIFUL.
Be kind
Practicing kindness is a beautiful habit and a proven stress reliever. Be kinder to yourself and practice acts of kindness everyday. A simple kind act can quickly help our brains shift from stressed to relieved perspective.
PS: You’re amazing mums!!
Caitlyn is a life coach, motivational speaker, podcast host and psychology lecturer and she is based in Hillcrest (Durban), KZN. With her honours degree in Clinical Psychology & being a sought-after Speaker, Caitlyn speaks at companies, conferences and womens’ events around South Africa. As a Life Coach, Caitlyn has had the privilege of coaching more than 400 amazing individuals, from over 11 countries worldwide.
When she’s not inspiring individuals to live full & inspirational lives, you can find her on a long run, drinking wine with her husband, playing with her 2 young kids or at her beach house on the coast, where she finds her inspiration!
You can contact her on hello@caitlyndebeer.com, or on her social media profile:
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