Why being a first time mom is so hard.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my new life of being a new mum with my adorable soon to be 8 week old baby but life is hard or at least harder than my “old life”. Visiting a coffee shop, mall or let alone a restaurant is now a very rare occasion for me which is sad because one of my absolute all time favourite things to do is to get out the house and try new places. I love reading through menus and something about the smell of a coffee shop paired with a beautiful interior just makes my heart happy but now my heart has found a new happy. My heart has found lying in bed staring at my beautiful baby all day and night makes me just as or if not more happy.
Although I am “allowed” to leave the house, I am just not yet comfortable leaving the house with my baby. I am too scared to drive with him in the car, too scared to go to a mall with him and way too scared to be out in public with him on my own. I am a nervous wreck and staying at home seems to be the most suitable solution for now. I say being a new mum is hard because by the second child you are experienced enough to know what you are doing and to also just not care what people say or think when you out in public with your baby.
When will I be experienced enough to know what I am doing ? I spend majority of my time researching so I can be fully equipped and prepared to raise this little bundle who sometimes cries, sometimes smiles and sometimes just stares at me like “what are you doing?”. In all honesty I have no idea what I am doing and although it’s been 8 weeks already I am still nervous to bath him, still scared to cut his nails and still worried whether he is breathing or not.
Everyday there is a new surprise, a new milestones that I am unaware of and I am still learning the ins and outs of a newborn baby. I get so much advice that I don’t know what to do with but wouldn’t be able to do without because all the unsolicited advice has been what has kept me going and has made this whole journey so much easier. Being a new mum is hard and there is no handbook or manual to follow, every sneeze, hiccup and runny poo is like the whole world is ending and I need to rush my baby off to the hospital RIGHT NOW but I think overreacting and over analyzing every aspect comes with the territory of being a new mum - off to Facebook to ask the community on MAMAHOOD NATAL if they think these three small red dots on my baby’s face could be chickenpox or maybe a milk allergy ?
Don’t get me started on becoming a mommy nurse in the process of being a new mum. I didn’t realize how much administrating of medication I would have to do and of course keep track of! Or how about figuring out all the new baby gadgets ? I still do not know how to clip the car seat in! The baby sling is like a jigsaw puzzle to me and the bottle machine is going to take me months to figure out! But hey we getting there, one day at a time because everyday I learn something new about being a mom and I try balance motherhood the best I know how to but If we all know that being a new mum is hard then why don’t we talk about it ? Why aren’t we allowed to publicly cry ? Why does Instagram make motherhood looks so easy and beautiful that it makes women’s ovaries hurt.
Being a new mum is so damn rewarding, so inspiring and so beautiful but it really is hard regardless of how much advice you were given or how many books you read. Every baby is unique and they bring on a whole lot of challenges that makes us question whether we know what we are doing or not so although I may not be out in public yet pushing my stroller around and enjoying my life. I am sitting at home loving my life, bonding with my baby and trying to figure out how to align the stupid little clips on Carter’s babygrows.
Big Hugs mama, try the marina petroplous book - it really is a baby bible....
This journey is a hard one and i have two - i am still winging it, they are both so different...what I learnt the most - follow your gut - you know best and dont over think things...Go out, go for coffee just for 20min- make sure it's a time when baby is settled...and then just keep extending the time when you feel comfortable....join a mom group(outside of social media) and meet with them - they will be your tribe..and always always take any judgement/comment/advice with a pinch of salt - remember each person brings up their kids in a different way.....and also "this too shall pass" the most valuable motto I was given...
Ps those red dots are normal - my son had tons of them😘
Firstly, let me send a HUGE cyber hug to you! Being a first time mom is not easy and it doesn't always come "naturally". You and your baby are on a journey - you both learning about each other and it takes time! I would encourage you to take your baba on an outing. Yes it might be stressful and daunting but the more you do it the more confident you will become. My second daughter used to HATE the carseat. She used to scream and sweat whenever we went anywhere. But life had to go on - I had to fetch my oldest from school, go grocery shopping, take her to the doctor etc . It was NB for me to leave the house for my own sanity! I remember my paed saying to me that it was not dangerous my for baby to scream in the car - nothing would happen to her, as long as I stayed focused on the road. It gave me the confidence to continue doing what I needed to do. Also do you have friends/ family who can support you? Maybe they can join in on an outing or keep baba for an hour or two so that you can go do something YOU enjoy? Don't feel guilty about having some "me time". Self care is SO SO SO important! You sound like an absolutely amazing and committed mother and I have no doubt you can do this xxx